|so i didn't stay at the hospital....
||[Aug. 14., 2006|03:36 pm]
things have been going so out of control for the past few weeks i couldn't hndel the stress any longer. my mother is constantly yelling at me about anything she can think of and continued to use Josh as the scapegoat in all of it. she wanted him to move out (even though she agreed to give him two weeks to get his check) that she was threatening a reastraining order. what laws he has broken to justifiy that are beond me, she was also trying to send me to juvy. after three days of us at each others throats she stormed out of the house. i asked her what was wrong and all she would tell me was nothing but it's all your fault. that's all i keep hearing out of her that everything wrong in her life is all my fault and she wants to kill her self and she hates Josh because i love him more than her and ect. well she took off, and kept calling back home to yell at me more. after abotu 5 calls i told her that i was leaving for the night because i needed to calm down. so josh and left to a friends house for the night and Rachel calls me to tell me my mother has turned me in as run away and was trying to press kidnapping charges against Josh. run away? to White Castle? that's where i was when Rachel called. what the fuck, i told her where i was. so steve brings us home and as soon as we pull in my moms out the door fucking screaming her head off telling Josh that he has to get off of her property becasue she can't deal with having him live with us anymore. |
okay back track for a second - what she actually has against him, God only knows. ever since he moved in about two months ago, he kissed her ass to keep her happy. he'd clean the entire house every day, cook for everyone, give her money to help buy food when he had it, always helped me pay for gas when we had to run erands. so on and so forth. can someone tell me how he went so wrong that she decieded to kick him out when he has no where to go?
so he came in got some clothes, left. mom and i did nothing but scream and yell all night. i finaly slammed my door in her face and locked my self away. the whole thing started over again the next day. we got into it so bad i kicked a hole throught the wall. she finally left. Josh, joe and Sarah came to get his things while she was gone. they've never seen me that bad i hacn't stopped shakeing in almost three days, i hadn't in at least as long, sleeping hadn't even been though of. they were scared of what my mother was driveing me too. i'm stressed out, strung out, exhausted mentally and physically, and just breaking down, over and over again. they were afraid i was going to start hurting my self again or that mom was going to hit me again and i wouldn't be able to control my reaction.
when they left i ask mom to admit me into the mental ward at childrens because i'm so stress out i couldn't handel it anymore and especially couldn't handel her. so we go. we get there, go through all the motions of weighing, paper signing, that thing. when the social worker finally comes in to talk to me i try to expalin how things are and what's going on in my head. she goes to talk to my mother. mom convinces her that me asking to come there was just a ploy to get away from her and that it's a typical thing for my to scream, yell, cray, pull my hair, not eat, not sleep, and freak out over everything for days a a time. since im' only 17, they had to let me go home with her, she wouldn't sign me in, even after driving all the way there.
once again break down in the car on teh way home. get home. sit on the couch. Rachel calls and says she has to come to my house, she's taken too many caffine pills, can't stop skaing and her heart is raceing. she shows up, i call poison control. they said give her antacids, water, and to cool her down to keep from over heating any more. so i did all that, help her strip to get in the tub, put her in some cool water. after about 5 minutes in there she went into a shock ceasure from teh extreem temp change in her body. so i yanked off my pants climbed in there, hauled her out of the tub, yell for mom to call 911 while i'm trying to keep her from biteing her tounge. in the mist of this Anna and Ikika show up because they were going to take her home. then Joe and Josh show up to bring me back my dog. i was the only one in the house that had every seen a ceasure before and knew what to do so i started barking orders. i got my pants back on, get her dressed, kept her consious when she was snapping out of it, got her to control her breathing and checked all her vitals. the emts finall showed when she was starting be coherent again. i spent the rest of the night in the hospital with everyone until she was released save for a food run and taking Josh to Steve and Sarah's apartmet.
another night with out sleep or food. the next morning it started all over again with my mom and hadcontinued ever since other than me sneaking out last night and trying to find a job today. i'm still freaking out and stressed out but i'm so worn out i feel like a zombie.
things have to get better though, they can't get any worse, right?